


Don't Go

by spacedaughter



Category: Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Complete, M/M, Needy Stefan, Recreational Drug Use, The gay option that netflix never gave us, alternative path, based on the actual episode, but op is excited, clingy Stefan, helpful Colin, op is worried because havent written in ten years, part of the episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 16:19:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17429321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacedaughter/pseuds/spacedaughter
Summary: “You’re being rebellious. You’re taking a different route right now. What’s going on?”~Stefan takes an alternative path and tries to prevent what happened to Colin in his "dream."





	1. Alternative Route

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re being rebellious. You’re taking a different route right now. What’s going on?”  
> ~  
> Stefan takes an alternative path and tries to prevent what happened to Colin in his "dream."

_Relax, don’t do it, when you want to go to it… Relax…_

Stefan exhales sharply right as his eyes open. He’s in bed. It’s 8:30 am. It takes him a few seconds to realize he’s finally awake.

_Colin jumped off his building last night._

_He died. Was it a dream?_

 

He gets up to start working on Bandersnatch, didn’t even bother washing up. It’s his first day working from home, but his body moves as if he has been doing this every day for quite a while now. _Excitement,_ he tries to rationalize.

His wall is covered with pieces of paper riddled with the different routes for his games. He picks up a piece of paper and stares at one of the questions written on it: _Save your companion? Yes. No._

Then, he thinks of Colin. The dream he had felt too real.  Colin jumped, landed on a rooftop, his body mangled, quickly bathed in his own blood, and Kitty’s piercing scream. Then, there was _something_ else. Then, it was black.

It kept repeating in his head as if he’s had this dream two, three, four, or five times already, but the other half of his brain says it’s the first time he’s had it, and that’s why he’s rattled. That’s why he can’t focus on his game.

 

“I… I need help.” The door swings open. It’s his father, holding a cup of tea.

“Tea?” He says as if Stefan hasn’t figured that out already. He looks back to his monitor.

“I can’t move on from this,” he says again to himself. Hearing Stefan talking to himself, his father walks to him, “What’s the matter?”

 

Stefan grabs the notebook he wrote on last night (he’s used up four notebooks already), puts it in his bag and darts out the door, quickly, but slowing down a bit to tell his father he’s going out for help.

“I’ll drive you to Dr. Haynes!” His father walked behind him as they go around the kitchen, Stefan picking up snacks and fruits lying around. _Why aren’t we more organized?_

“I’m not going to her for help. I’m going somewhere else.”

Should he take this jar of Cherry Lips or the pack of Bazooka gum? He takes the gum.

Should he take two apples or go to the store to buy fresh ones? He walks away from the fruit bowl.

“Well, where are you going then?”

 

Stefan stops at the back door, leading out the kitchen. He feels a weight drop on his chest. _What if… Colin’s not there? Then, where is he going?_

“Colin. Colin Ritman’s. I need him to move forward in my game.”

“THE Colin Ritman?”

Stefan leaves without answering. _Yes, THE Colin Ritman. There’s only one Colin Ritman, and he better not be actually dead._

 

**~~**

 

Stefan arrives in front of St. Juniper’s Hospital. Looking at his watch, he sees he’s been walking for thirty minutes already. Those thirty minutes moved like a breeze. He felt like his body was moving quickly, like a hamster following a trail of treats in a maze. He took too many turns, no idea where he was going. He doesn’t know where Colin lives. He can’t remember. Was he even supposed to remember in the first place? What can he remember if… he’s never been there? It was just a dream, right?

Like a hamster following a trail of treats in a maze. He’s just following a trail.

 

He turns left of St. Juniper’s Hospital and kept going. Soon, he sees a tall apartment building. He goes in, takes the elevator, and soon enough, he’s in front of a door.

His heart pounds fast. Why? Is this the right place? Why did he even come here? How is he sure it’s Colin’s? If it is, how is he sure Colin’s in here?

“He’s alive,” he whispers to himself, almost scolding. “He is.”

Then, he knocks.

 

The door opens, and Stefan’s heart drops to the floor. It’s like the weight he felt this morning got heavier.

It’s Kitty. She looks tired. Sleepless. Like she’s been crying.

“Wh—where’s…” He struggles to find his words as if he’s not working his own mouth. Kitty tilts her head, signalling him to keeping trying.

“Where’s Colin?”

Kitty’s eyes widen.

“Colin?”

Stefan’s heart starts pounding faster.

“He’s…”

_Is he here? Is he here? I need help. I need his help._

“He’s at work, in the office.”

 _At work_? Stefan sighed in relief.  Colin’s at work. He’s at work. His mouth, stubborn still, smiles.

“Y—yes, at work. I just, I just wanted to check if he went to work… because, I was planning to go, too.”

Kitty wipes her eyes, “Yes, uhh… you should go to work. That’s right. Umm… who are you again?”

 

Stefan blinks. He’s back to struggling to find words; a part of him is pissed at himself now.

“Stefan. Colin’s workmate. I’m working on Bandersnatch.”

“Oh, uhh… good for you, but have we met?”

Kitty finishes wiping her tears. Her eyeliner’s almost completely gone now, changing the shape of her eyes.

“Have you been crying?” Stefan asks.

“Yes, I was watching a sad film on the telly.”

Stefan mentally slaps his forehead. “I see.”

 

Then, there’s a few seconds of silence. Stefan doesn’t move. He doesn’t know what to do next. He felt blocked for some reason. Then, he struggles, again, “I should… go to work.”

He leaves and finds his way to the nearest bus station to go to work.

 

He’s following a trail of treats in a maze, and right now, he feels like the trail just scattered. For some reason, he doesn’t know what to expect when he gets to the office even though Kitty told him, surely, that Colin is there.

 

**~~**

 

He doesn’t listen to music on the bus ride to the office. His mind is too loud for music right now. Bandersnatch. Different routes. Colin. Kitty not knowing him. That _thing_ he saw in his dream. Colin dying. Dr. Haynes’ lectures on coping mechanisms. His father consistently barging in his room. The lives of Jerome F. Davies. Bandersnatch. Different Routes. Colin…

 

The bus stops, and he’s where he has to be.

Stefan takes the stairs, running as if he needs to _catch_ Colin, as if Colin is going somewhere else, leaving him… _again_.

He arrives at their office, and he stretches his neck to see past people walking around, passing around boxes and packing games to be shipped to stores. In the corner of the room, he sees something that lifts the weight off his chest. He sees Colin’s white hair. He’s sitting at his desk. He’s sporting maroon long sleeves with two white stripes going down from his shoulder to the hem. He’s wearing black jeans with rips on the knees, exposing his pale skin. He’s wearing his glasses low. Between his lips, a joint, unlit.

 

Stefan stands in front of him, not knowing what to say as a lot is going through his head. _Colin’s alive. Colin didn’t jump. It was just a dream. Colin was in his dream. He’s been dreaming of Colin for a while. He’s been seeing Colin everywhere for a while. Colin always looks great. Coli—_

“Are you thirsty?” A heavy hand drops on Stefan’s shoulder. He looks at his boss who’s smiling at him. In Mr. Thakur’s other hand are two cans of cola.

“This one is for me and Colin, but if you’re thirsty, I can have him get you one, too.”

They both look at the intern who’s been following Mr. Thakur around.

“I… I’m not thirsty. I swear.” _You swear? He’s not doubting you_.

Colin finally takes his eyes from the monitor at the sound of Stefan’s voice. He looks at Stefan.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” The words barely escape Colin’s mouth because keeping the joint between his lips is more of the priority. The words, however, feel pointed, piercing Stefan all over.

“Why are you here?” Colin finally turns his chair.

“I… I need your help, Colin.” He’s been saying and thinking of Colin’s name since this morning, but saying it now felt bitter in his mouth.

“Didn’t I already help you?” Another stab to Stefan’s chest.

 

There are a few minutes of silence. Stefan thinks about how quiet it must be at Colin and Kitty’s place as the two seem so settled in awkward air.

Mr. Thakur breaks the silence, gripping Stefan’s shoulder and laughing out loud.

“Colin, your fanboy here is our next star, so maybe you can spare a few minutes to help him out. Your game is perfect already! Take a break.”

Colin doesn’t say anything and instead responds by standing up, grabbing Stefan’s wrist, and dragging him away from Mr. Thakur’s tight grip.

 

“Colin, I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do next in my g—“

“You’re being rebellious. You’re taking a different route right now. What’s going on?”

 

He feels Colin’s warm touch despite it gripping tight on a jacket sleeve. Stefan connects this warmth to Colin surely being alive right now. Then, he mentally smacks himself. _Of course he’s alive._

“I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do. I had a bad start this morning, and I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that I needed to see you.”

“See me?”

“Yes. I need your help.”

 

Colin kicks the roof top door open, and Stefan feels a little nervous being with Colin at this height. Fortunately, Colin, who is still holding onto his wrist, doesn’t drag him to the ledge but just right outside the door.

“As you’ve been saying over and over again. What help?” Colin lights the joint, and Stefan just watches him as the older boy inhales, holds for a few seconds, and breathes out smoke. Colin does this thing where he pouts slightly, and Stefan thinks it’s very cute, so he smiles when Colin does s-

“Stefan, what help?”

He shakes his head back from daydreaming. “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

“That’s because this path’s not programmed yet. I’m not really sure why you’re here.”

“What?” Stefan asked, confused.

 

Colin walks a few steps forward, and Stefan stops himself from almost grabbing Colin, fearful that the other boy is going to walk to the ledge, and Stefan’s dream is going to come true.

“You’re supposed to be working from home. You’re supposed to be finishing your game at home, but you arrive here, looking for me, asking for help. You’re supposed to be working alone.”

Then, Stefan starts to feel bad. He remembers how _he_ is the one who decided to work on the game by himself. He shouldn’t be bothering Colin. He starts walking away.

“What are you doing?” Colin stops him.

“I’m goi—I don’t know.”

“Bit rude to steal me from my work and just leave me.”

“I’m sorry.”

 

Colin finishes the joint. He walks back to Stefan. They’re face-to-face now, and Stefan finds himself observing the colour in Colin’s eyes. He remembers how they seemed to move around and out his sockets that night they smoked and took LSD. _Wait, no, that was a dream_.

Colin grabs his wrist again, “Let’s go out for lunch.”

Stefan gets dragged down the stairs. Colin continues, “You’re all over the place. The trail you’re following is scattered. I’ll help you get back on track.”

 

 


	2. The Bigger Picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, you’ve been here before, right?” Colin continues.  
> “This… this place… your place? Uhh, no… I think I dreamt it.”
> 
> ~
> 
> Colin takes Stefan to his apartment to help him get back on track. What are you expecting?

_With auburn hair and tawny eyes… The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through… You hypnotize me through… and I ran… I ran so far away…_

 

A song by A Flock of Seagulls bounces around the small diner where the two boys sit in. They’re sitting in a booth in the corner of the room. Stefan starts to look around as the waiter leaves to prepare their order. Stefan ordered a glass of milkshake and a plate of pancakes. Colin asked for an additional straw and a fork.

The walls are decorated with records, some which Stefan is not familiar with—Ratt, Blue Oyster Cult, Danzig, Motorhead. There are six more booths after theirs, each one evidently taking a colour from the rainbow. There are five tables in the middle of the diner, three chairs in each one. The two boys are the only customers.

“Not a lot of people come here. Everyone around the area think it’s fake.”

“Fake?”

“Yeah, you’re looking around. See how the decorations don’t make sense? The records? The colour of the booths? They don’t fall under one real theme.”

Stefan nods and looks around with this new criticism of the place.

“People think the owners are posers, so they just put whatever they think is in with the youth.”

They look at the manager, a middle-aged lady with fake green hair. She’s wearing a Quiet Riot shirt, which doesn’t match the floral skirt she’s wearing. 

“Some kids joke around, saying this place’s design is rushed, that it’s not supposed to be here anyway.”

 _Not supposed to be here_. Stefan starts to feel bad again, “What do you mean by that?”

Colin takes off his glasses and wipes them with a tissue he gets from the box on the table.

“You know in a game when there’s an area that players aren’t supposed to go to, but the area has to be there just so players can make a mistake? Developers don’t make much of an effort to work on these areas because they don’t matter. They have to be there, but the players don’t.”

Stefan nods even though he’s not really sure if he gets what Colin is saying.

The waiter arrives with Stefan’s order and Colin’s requests. He looks at Colin who already put the straw between his lips, like a joint. Stefan just stares before Colin signals him to try the milkshake, so he does. He stretches his neck to drink from the straw, didn’t bother moving the glass closer to him because… Colin puts his own straw in the glass. Stefan finishes drinking fast because he thinks it’s Colin’s turn to drink now. The younger boy experiences brain freeze, but it wasn’t so bad because the strawberry flavour lingered in his mouth. It’s the best milkshake he’s ever had.

“Strawberry. I like strawberry.” Colin moves the glass closer to him to take a sip.

“Why strawberry?” he asks. Stefan feels a little pressured to answer, but he has no answer, and Colin just starts talking again, “What happened to you this morning?”

Stefan backtracks, and he stops when he remembers the dream he had. He looks at Colin who just stared at him, his forehead scrunched as if he’s trying to figure something out. Stefan thinks he’s blanked out again, so he starts, “I had a bad dream that ruined my mood, and I couldn’t focus on the game. I had a few routes that I couldn’t work out where they were supposed to go, but if I got rid of them—“

“You feel like the story’s too short?”

Stefan nods. Colin quickly made sense of what he was going through. He’s impressed. Colin Ritman’s mind is always at work. Active. That’s why he’s smart enough to design these games.

“Alright then.” Colin stands up and grabs Stefan by the wrist again. He wants to get used to this, Stefan thinks to himself.

Soon, Colin’s dragging him to the door, and Stefan looks back, “Wait, I haven’t eaten my pancakes or paid for them yet.”

But they’re already out the door, “Doesn’t matter. It won’t have any effect.”

Colin lets him go, so he just follows him around the corner.

“Where are we going now?”

“I’m helping you see the bigger picture again.”

 

**~~**

 

They arrive at Colin’s building. Kitty’s not there. There’s an empty crib in the middle of the room. Colin walks to it and looks inside as if to check if it really was empty.

“Where’s Kitty? She was here this morning.”

Colin goes to kitchen before responding, “You were here this morning?”

There are sounds of mugs being set on the kitchen table. Stefan goes to the kitchen, and Colin is now boiling water.

“Yeah, I was looking for you.”

Colin looks at Stefan and smiles, “You’re clingy, aren’t you?” 

He didn’t really know what Colin meant by that.

“So, you’ve been here before, right?” Colin continues.

“This… this place… your place? Uhh, no… I think I dreamt it.”

“I mean this morning, but, alright. What happened in your dream?”

The water boils fast, and Colin takes the kettle from the stove. He pours water into the mugs and starts making tea. Stefan just stands, watching him. When Colin finishes, he takes them to the living room, and Stefan takes this as a cue to follow him.

The living room is exactly what it was in Stefan’s dream—spacious, different paintings on the wall, big sofa on one side and a recliner chair on the other, and then… there’s the balcony. Stefan starts walking to it, but Colin grabs his shoulder, “Tea?”

Stefan sits on the big sofa, and Colin sits next to him, putting the two mugs on the table. He remembers that Colin sits in front of him in the dream. He feels relieved. _The dream is not coming true._

“Drink your tea,” Colin says, his tone commanding. He seems to be in a hurry as well because this command was followed by an exasperated sigh.

“Is there anything in here?” Stefan asks.

“Other than tea?”

Stefan nods, and Colin shakes his head no.

“I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. I just don’t know who else to ta—“

“You’re not bothering me. You don’t see video game characters changing their scripts when your hero keeps asking them the same thing, right?”

Colin takes out something from his pocket and holds them on two fingers,

“You know what these are?”

Stefan looks at the small patches, a lion face on each one. He starts to think about his dream again.

“Y-yes,” his voice breaks between letters.

“Do you want to move forward in your game? Do you want to keep going?”

Colin looks at him straight in the eyes. Stefan didn’t even notice right away that Colin is now _completely_ next to him, no space between them. Then, he notices how Colin smells like smoke and perfume.

“It’s your choice. You can always go home now.”

He remembers that he and Colin smoked and went on an acid trip before Colin jumped. If he leaves now, who knows what will happen to Colin. _Save your companion? Yes. No._

“I want it. I’ll stay.”

“Good.”

 

Colin puts his other hand at the side of Stefan’s cheek, “You know what to do.”

Stefan opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue. Colin places one patch on his own tongue before placing the other on Stefan’s.

“Now, we wait…” Stefan whispers.

He looks at Colin who taps his cheek lightly before taking his hand away.

“Yes.” Colin smiles and takes a sip from his tea.

 

They wait a while. Colin lights up another joint. He looks up. Stefan watches as the older boy's chest rises and drops at the exhale of smoke.

Colin turns to him; there's still some smoke escaping his lips. "Want to try?"

Stefan's eyesight is slowly blurring. He wasn't sure what part of Colin's face he should focus on.

"Yeah. I want to try."

 

A few more minutes later and the drugs start to kick in. Colin puts a record on. _Love on a Real Train_. Stefan has picked up a furniture magazine. The people in the pictures are dancing, and they make him laugh. Colin just watches him, and he laughs, too.

Colin starts talking about how people think there’s only one reality but that these people are wrong.

Stefan stands in front of a painting, and he moves his hands on it, swirling the images around.

 

Colin explains how there are different realities branching out. He talks about time travel, flashbacks, some sort of spirit out there making decisions for them.

Then, they’re sitting on the sofa together. Colin tells him how mirrors help people travel through time. Stefan plays with light running around his fingers.

Colin continues, “The government monitors people. They pay people to be your relatives. And they put drugs in your food. And they film you.”

Colin is now lying on his back, his feet up and his head hanging on the edge of the sofa. Stefan listens to him as he talks about PAC-MAN being about program and control. Then, he stands up and walks to the window. He rests his hands on the glass.

Stefan, God save him, finally feels pulled back to reality for a few seconds as he sees Colin right at the balcony. _His dream_.

He stands up and struggles his way to Colin. Everything around them is moving now, but Colin is standing still. Colin is the only clear picture in front of him, so he fights for his feet to move him closer.

“It’s all code. If you listen closely, you can hear the numbers.”

He reaches Colin, and his legs have turned liquid, but before falling down, Colin turns to him and says,

“There’s a cosmic flowchart that dictates where you can… and can’t go,” taking off his glasses and holding Stefan’s face in his hands.

Stefan smiles at the feeling of warmth. He smells smoke and perfume again.

“I’ve given you the knowledge; I’ve set you free.”

Colin’s eyes start to melt from his sockets. Stefan feels panicked inside as this was the exact image in his dream. He raises his hand, _go back in… don’t… don’t do that_.

“Do you understand?” Colin’s voice is shaking. He thinks that Colin is tired. He thinks that maybe Colin has done this _so many times_. He thinks that Colin needs to be saved.

So he assures him, “Maybe… sort of.”

“I’ll show you what I mean.”

Colin puts on his glasses, “Come with me.”

They go out to the balcony. Colin starts talking about how they are on one path together and that their decisions on one path affect the whole that matters. Stefan looks down, hoping they weren’t high up, hoping that Colin won’t die if he does choose to jump off the balcony.

“Do you believe me?”

They’re high up. He’s terrified, and he wants to go back in.

He looks at Colin and wants to beg him that they go back in, but his mouth just lets out a laugh.

He's jumbling words inside his mouth. Having trouble spitting out what he wants to say, he struggles, “I… I don’t know.”

Colin looks at him, his eyes wide and eager, “I’ll prove it.”

 _No…_ Stefan starts clinging onto the ledge. It’s all his body lets him do.

“One of us is going over. Over there.”

Stefan’s smile finally breaks. Here it is. It’s exactly what it was. It’s exactly what he said.

 _No…_ His mind keeps thinking of one word. His mouth is filled with too many that won’t come out, but still, he tries, “D—die. You’d die…”

Colin explains that it wouldn’t matter because there are other timelines. He says that one of them is jumping, “Who’s it gonna be?” he asks.

Then, Stefan’s mind is blank for a few seconds. He stares at Colin and backs away. He wishes he can meld his body onto the ledge.

In his head, he suddenly thinks about him and Colin. Stefan and Colin. Stefan and Colin. Stefan _or_ Colin.

He starts shaking his head… because that’s all he could do.

 

“It’s your choice,” Colin assures him again.

 

Stefan holds tight onto the ledge and looks down. They will surely die. One of them will surely die. It can’t be him. It can’t be Colin.

He looks at Colin again, the other still waiting for his answer. Stefan starts shaking his head no.

Colin’s face softens, “Stefan, mate, you have to choose.”

 

Silence. Stefan takes a deep breath.

 

Then, he pushes his body from the wall and onto Colin. He holds his hands tight on the ledge, trapping Colin in the corner.

“No… no one’s jumping!”

His head rests right on Colin’s chest, and his legs struggle to keep him standing. He keeps his hands tight on the ledge, putting all of his strength in them so that Colin can’t move away.

“Stefan…” He knows that Colin is going to make him choose again, so he starts shaking his head no. He keeps shaking his head, his sweat wiping on Colin’s shirt.

He feels warmth on the sides of his face. Colin’s holding him again.

“Stefan… I’ve shown you the bigger picture.”

 

He looks up at Colin with tears welling up in his eyes. Colin’s face is stern.

_Colin, you can’t die. You can’t die. I can’t die. No one has to die. Please. No one has to die._

Everything around them disappears into darkness, into a blur, into nothingness. It becomes quiet.

They just stare at each other, and Stefan feels relief.

“I don’t have to choose…” He finally takes control of his words.

Colin sighs. He bites his lip, and his eyes turn sad.

“The thing is… you _always_ have to, or you can’t move on with your game.”

 

Then, Stefan suddenly hears ticking in his head. He thinks of his name and Colin’s name and his name and Colin’s name. Stefan starts shaking his head, hoping it will make the sounds and images go away.

 

“Colin, don’t… don’t go…” He thinks about how he’s never had any control of his words or his thoughts or his body ever since he started working on Bandersnatch.

“I… I can’t… choose…” He feels regret and sadness and anger and helplessness. He keeps thinking about how it is either him or Colin as if there really is no other choice.

Stefan slowly takes his hand off the ledge. Colin breathes heavily.

He’s decided. He stands straight and looks at Colin.

“You’ve decided?” Colin asks him with a faint smile on his lips.

Stefan thinks that Colin looks defeated. He thinks about how Colin’s mind is always at work. Active. Colin knows what his answer is.

“Colin…” He says the name, bitter in his mouth again.

“Alright then.” Colin stands straight and fixes his shirt that Stefan had ruffled from all his shaking.

Colin puts one leg over the ledge, “See you arou—“

Stefan grabs Colin’s one arm with both of his hands and pulls him off. Colin loses his balance and falls onto Stefan. They drop halfway into the living room, Stefan’s face onto the floor and Colin’s body right on top of him.

“N—no one’s jumping!” Stefan’s body is back from the numbness. He feels pain on his knees from catching their fall.

“That’s my choice, Coli—“

“Stefan, no!”

 

A shadow moves on the floor, right in front of Stefan’s eyes. Colin grabs him by the waist and stands him up. They see in front of them the last thing Stefan wanted to see.

It was covered in hair, more so around its head, like a lion. Its face was only almost human, and its teeth glisten at the fog of breath.

Stefan starts pushing Colin back out to the balcony, anywhere away from this _thing._

“Stefan! Stefan!” Colin grabs him by the shoulders and turns his body so that they are facing each other.

“I’ve set _you_ free. You have so many realities.”

Stefan is terrified to look away from Colin. He is flushed with regret and helplessness, but Colin holds onto him tighter, “I can’t make a choice for you, Stefan. You have to do this, or else…”

 

Stefan feels warm breath hitting the side of his head. His hair moves, and he starts smelling iron.

“There are other timelines. You just have to finish this one, and you can mov—“

“I need your help! I can’t move on without you!” Tears start flowing down his cheeks.

The cold streaks are defeated by the warm breath that seems to have gotten closer. Stefan tries to turn his head to its direction, but Colin holds his face still.

 

“I’m helping you. I’m _always_ going to help you.”

Colin plants a kiss on Stefan’s lips. His hand remains on the younger boy’s face as he slowly turns his body away, moving his leg up on the ledge.

“I’ll see you around,” Colin lightly kisses him one more time.

Stefan opens his eyes, wide, and then, Colin jumps.

Stefan tried to stretch out his arm to save Colin, but gravity moves faster.

Stefan drops onto the floor and starts crying. He hears a loud thud. He hears it so loud as if it was just next to him. He’s heard it so many times now. Too many times _._ Colin’s gone. _Again._

 

He looks at the living room. The _thing_ , whatever it was, is gone, too.

He slowly stands up, braving to look down onto Colin even though he is now sure he’s already witnessed this scene before. He turns around…

 

The monster is sitting on the ledge, and before Stefan could run away, it tackles him. He screams.

Everything turns black.

 

 

**~~**

 

 

_I’ve set you free. You have so many realities. You have the choice. You have to make a choice._

He hears Colin’s voice in a distance. It fades out, overlapping with a song all too familiar to him now,

_Relax, don’t do it, when you want to go to it… Relax…_

 

Stefan exhales sharply right as his eyes open. He’s in bed. It’s 8:30 am. It takes him a few seconds to realize he’s finally awake.

_Colin jumped off his building last night._

_He died. Was it a dream?_

 

He gets up to start working Bandersnatch. He sits on his chair and turns on his computer.

His heart drops when he sees on his keyboard.... Colin's glasses.

He grabs them and puts them in his bag. Then, he goes out again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written a fic in ten years! I have never been this inspired, so I'm actually very proud of this work, and I hope you all enjoy it. I got inspired after listening to Fionn Whitehead's song, "Don't Go," hence the title. I was planning to completely base the story on the song, but as I kept writing, the characters just started moving on their own, and the story went to a different direction, which I am actually very satisfied with. I still encourage you to listen to the song though!
> 
> I am also very happy that I have a good friend, Roro, who critiqued my work and made some suggestions (Colin placing the LSD on Stefan's tongue, Colin's glasses at the end, etc).  
> Also, I realized that a lot of people get confused about the monster. It's actually Pax, and they are in this scene in the episode, so I thought that people would understand what this monster is even though details are lacking (I also did this on purpose because I thought Stefan wouldn't stare at Pax for too long. Also, Pax's appearance in the scene is very fast). Anyway, for those wondering, here is Pax: https://i.redd.it/51sp5ex3oa721.jpg
> 
> I hope I get my message sent across, and I hope you all enjoy reading. Thank you!


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